sarahcentric

Being home sick ain’t what it used to be.
But let’s face it …what it used to be sucked, too.

Remember pleading your case to Mom in that crucial half-hour window, before you had to get your uniform on to make it to the bus stop in time? And let’s say she bought it this time. You’re not Typhoid Mary, but you actually do have a bit of a fever. Enough for her to be concerned and keep you home, but not enough to ruin what is sure to be a full day of cartoons and unlimited bowls of cereal in bed!

After you smugly wave good-bye to your brothers and sisters, you receive your first terrible shock…they stop running cartoons! There were no 24-hour stay-at-home-sick kid networks in those days. After Heathcliff and The Jetsons, it was nothin’ but Sale of the Century and Another World for as far as the eye can see. Panicked, you realize you have to wait until 3pm for the first great cartoon of the afternoon, Alvin and The Chipmunks. 3pm! Sure, there was always Loony Tunes at two. But what if they run the really old episodes with World War II references that you’re too young to understand and basically freak you out, instead of the Ali Baba Bunny episode?!

Ohhhhh God! Adding insult to injury, your bratty brothers and sisters have already housed the Cocoa Pebbles, Apple Jacks, and any other decent cereal worth its weight in sugar-probably on purpose. So there you are in your pajamas with your mother, pouring a pound of sugar on Grape-Nuts in a desperate attempt to make them edible, lost in the wilderness until Alvin, Simon, and Theodore rescue you at 3 o’clock.

From yesterday’s home-sick day, I am here to tell you that not much has improved. First of all, I was probably dying. My head was 400 lbs, throat was on fire, and my complexion was similar to the girl from The Ring. Sure, I have a DVR with Tavis Smiley episodes, Kung Fu Panda, and the Real Housewives of New Jersey. I ate a little better ordering the best Tom Yung Goong (thai soup) I have ever had. But overall… boooooooooooooooooooooooooooooring!

Please, someone call Alvin and tell him I’m dying! Tell him to bring the Chippettes because those episodes could not be beat.

And send Cocoa Pebbles…STAT!