sarahcentric

Did I tell you I saw Dreamgirls at the Apollo last Tuesday? Or about my pre-show drink at the classic Showman’s where they played nothing except the Jackson 5? Wait, I must have told you that my father played at the Apollo in ‘63. Oh, that’s right. I didn’t. BECAUSE I HAVEN’T HAD CABLE OR THE INTERNET FOR A WEEK!

“Great, I’ll see you guys on Saturday”

Day 5
“Ummm, your repair guy hasn’t shown up yet.”
“Why was my appointment canceled?”
“I am telling you, he never called me. Because if he had called me, I would have picked up the phone.”
“Wait, now he’s not coming?”
“I told you, this dude never called me!”
“Alright, I’ll be here tomorrow. But he is definitely, DEFINITELY coming?”
“HE NEVER CALLED ME!”

Day 6
“Hey, is this guy coming?”
“You’re here, thank GOD.”
“You can’t fix it because it’s an issue with the cable. You’re the cable guy!”

Day 7
“You HAVE to get me another appointment. I just don’t understand this.”
“This is outrageous!”
“Unacceptable!”
“You see, Andrew, this is what’s wrong with this country!”

Day 8
“Umm, ok you’re here…. no one told me you were coming. Great.”
“Awesome, the cable is working but my internet is on the fritz.”
“The other guy has to fix the modem? Of course, because I live in an alternate reality now.”

I’m saving these transcripts for Ken Burns. Now that he has wrapped on his National Parks documentary, I’m sure my battle with the cable company is next on his plate. Maybe Alfre Woodard will read my copy? No, it’s always some random actress from the 80s whose voice you can’t quite place. “Errr, who is that?! The Mom from E.T.?”

Stay tuned…assuming your cable is working, of course.