sarahcentric

I am so sure you haven’t entered my awesome giveaway yet! Go here to weigh in on the best Thanksgiving dinner and you may win a delicious Pie cookbook. See ya’ there…

If you were Harry Potter and I was Horace T. Slughorn, Potions Professor and head of Slytherin house, there is no way I would let you get my memories from this weekend.

You would only get a modified version of my weekend- some wholesome, Christmas fun at Maura Madden’s ornament making Crafternoon in Williamsburg. La la la, nothing to see here Harry. Just me, some green felt, red string, and delicious cupcakes with friends.

“Hahaha I’ve no idea why this was so important to you, Harry. Just a bit of Christmas cheer.”
“But Professor, I heard something about Lychee Martinis-”
“Well, you’re wrong Harry. You’re wrong! Now get out of my classroom!”

I would be left to sit in shame in my ornate Hogwarts classroom. You would never know about the 3 hour hair appointment before Crafternoon where my stylist didn’t quite get what I wanted with my color. “Ummmm…there’s still a lot of blonde and I look a little bit like the Heat Miser since you diffused it. Maybe we should just get rid of the blonde and let’s blow it straight.”

Then there was the battle with the J train…
…A battle with a fellow New Yorker who tried to steal a cab from us when the J train wasn’t working.
…A fish and chips dinner at an obnoxious, frat-like bar…
…And finally lychee martinis at a very nice bar… which made me get a little obnoxious and frat-like.

But you why do you need to know about that, Harry?! No one needs to know I spent the entire next day in my hoodie, yoga pants, ordering shrimp fried rice for dinner! You and Dumbledore must leave me be!

(If you are not a Harry Potter fan, my apologies. That whole joke just went over your head. But trust me, this joke KILLS in the wizarding world. In fact, I’ll be doing a set at The Leaky Cauldron next weekend. If you’re interested in booking me for a gig, please contact my agent Aberforth at the Hog’s Head.)