New Year’s Resolution 1 (which had been resolution 27 up until a half-hour ago): Follow up with my super on replacing bedroom doorknob.
It is no longer acceptable to have a ceremonial doorknob that only balances in that doorknob hole. For a year, I’ve turned it gently to pop the door open, but it stil falls out 70% of the time. I would like to say I came to this resolution because of a mature turning of the heart; a profound realization that I’m a grown-up who shouldn’t be living a college dorm life. But I can’t. Instead, I was stuck in my bedroom for 25 minutes this morning when the doorknob fell out on my way to the shower. Jimmy-ing my door open with tweezers is no way to live. (Although there was something remarkably satisfying when that sucker popped open. It felt like my own heist movie!)
New Year’s Resolution 2: Bake my own bread and become the most charming, adorable woman in Queens.
My cookie baking compulsion needs to be mastered for a few months in order to get back into some decent shape. I haven’t checked with my doctor, but I’m pretty sure I’m 10% Christmas Cookie right now. In an effort to move that baking bug elsewhere, I have decided that I will bake my own bread following the miraculous method detailed in Artisan Bread in Five Minutes a Day
Jeff and Zoe have developed a master recipe which they swear requires no gigantic bread machine or annoying kneading. I’m particularly psyched about this last part. One of my strange human being quirks is hating the feel of flour. I don’t know why. I just do, always have. The same goes for pencils… I hate the smell of pencils. A Pencil Bread recipe is my nightmare from Freddie Kruger.
Since you can make all sorts of delicious, carb’y things from Jeff and Zoe’s master recipe, I plan on going completely over the top. I have called, emailed and Facebook’d all of my friends letting them know I am about to become the most charming woman in Queens. I will wear a bow in my hair as I pull all kinds of boules, brioche and baguettes from my oven. My office cubicle will be converted into my new boulangerie where I will greet all of my customers with a “Bonjour!! Ca va bien ou ca va mal?” This is the only thing I remember from high school French, but I am going to sell it like it’s the opening number from “Beauty and the Beast”.
I will re-locate to my bedroom once Resolution 1 is fulfilled. I wouldn’t want my customers to get stuck in the bedroom.
Unless you are all comfortable bringing your own pair of tweezers?
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10 Comments
I can not wait to read about all the bread you bake! You are, without a doubt, the most charming and adorable woman I’ve ever encountered in Queens!
Happy New Year! Zoë
I myself harbor secret fantasies of becoming just like Juliette Binoche’s character in Chocolat, especially if it comes with a guitar-strumming, bohemian Johnny Depp-a-like. That book looks almost too good to be true, so I’m looking forward to hearing about your grand successes with it!
That’s my girl! We are *so* getting into it now! If you reallytruly hate the feel of flour, you have to get yourself a dough whisk!
~Sandy
I swore I’d make that bread last year, then somehow it got too hot by the time I was getting round to it.
January sounds good for ‘have the oven on’ doesn’t it?
You need to come discuss with me as soon as possible -as I too am obsessed with baking bread - how else can I explain that the best gift I received this year was proofing baskets for baguettes
I can’t until your cubicle boulangerie is up and running! Maybe I’ll finally open up my cheese cubicle.
Great idea, Sarah! Especially if you can get consistent results. That’s what bugs me about making bread - total lack of inconsistency between batches. I admire people who can bake with consistent (good or better) results.
Sarah: You’re awesome, though my mother things SHE’S the most charming woman in Queens.
Jeff Hertzberg (co-author, Artisan Bread in Five Minutes a Day
http://www.artisanbreadinfive.com (come visit with questions,which we answer ourselves)
I am waiting on pins and needles to hear the results of this carbtastic experiment. Please post immediately after consuming your first piece of warm, tasty, butter-slathered bread.
You will be slathering it with butter, won’t you? Bread without butter = unacceptable.
Butter is great, but how about Brie? Just as delicious. You just need a triple cream. That’s why my cheese cubicle would be so important.