sarahcentric

My friends are so selfish sometimes.

Now I ask you, who coordinates a family trip to Oregon months in advance without checking to see what my mood might be on that Saturday in August?! Sure, my friend’s’ cousin is getting married. But are you freaking telling me she couldn’t stop to think, “Huh, I wonder if Sarah will be bored on that Saturday morning? What if she has fallen desperately out of love with New York City that week? What if the only cure for Sarah’s blues is a perfect, comfy brunch at one of Queens’ fine eating establishments? Yeah, I better tell my family I can’t make it.”

See? Selfish!

But no worries, friends. I decided to use Jess’ blatant disregard of my emotional well-being as an opportunity to reconnect with my love of New York through my Maximum Comfort tools.

If there was a Maximum Comfort Brunch Olympics, New York City would be accused of Maximum Comfort steroid use. The variety of food choices here can be overwhelming to the amateur bruncher. But New Yorkers do not play; waking up on the weekends with our taste buds fully tuned into which cuisine will most effectively ease the hangover we are currently experiencing, whether it be from alcohol or just the emotional weight of the end of another week in the city.

Yes, my friend did try to ruin my life this weekend. I confirmed this with our mutual friend Andrew who said, “What the f–k?! She can’t just go ahead and do stuff like that without asking us!” But I’ve got mad MC Brunch skills and quickly formulated an alternative. I wasn’t sure what my deliciousness would be yet, but as I quickly dressed in a brunch uniform -old jeans, flip flops, Snoopy t-shirt - the Sarah Brunch Broadcast System in my mind began announcing on a loop, “Egg & Cheese on a Bagel”.

Now, I’m not gonna lie here and tell you that I wasn’t experiencing some doubt in this SBBS alert. I’ve been a vegetarian for almost two years now. I’m happy with the decision, but I do miss sausage and bacon somethin’ awful. And that longing usually turns into vegetarian heartbreak when I have a breakfast sandwich sans meat. But the SBBS alert kept playing over and over as I walked to my favorite bagel shop. This was not a test.

But as I patiently listened to my brunch instincts walking home from the bagel shop -fried egg & muenster cheese on a toasted plain bagel, ketchup, salt & pepper in hand- the tune slightly changed. Another inspired layer appeared, “Add your own vegetarian Morningstar sausage, Sarah”. You see? Where Buddha closes a carnivore’s door, he always opens a suitable vegetarian replacement window.

I hummed as I waited for the 1 minute, 30 seconds it took for my “sausage” to cook in the microwave. I took my first cup of coffee to the next level pouring it into the most comfortable mug of all time. (Note: I’ve scientifically proven that the tall, but narrow proportion of my Reese’s coffee mug makes for a much more delicious cup of coffee that stays hot longer. Also, the familiar orange and yellow palette is a reminder that a chocolate treat is not too far off in my future. My paper on the subject will be published soon in the New England Journal of Medicine.)

And now as I type this, Saturday morning comfortized to the Max, I am finding the room in my heart to forgive my friend for her transgression. With grace and dignified beauty, lying on my bed in my Snoopy t-shirt and glasses, I thoughtfully recollect how it was I that cancelled our last Maximum Comfort date for pizza at our favorite local joint. Even I was capable of breaking someone else’s heart simply because I had to work late at the office.

And there, but for the grace of Maximum Comfort, go I.