sarahcentric

I don’t know who you think you are Mister/Missy. But if you are even THINKING about reading this jamboree of a spring entry before entering the Artisan Bread in 5 giveaway, you gotta another thing coming! March right back over there and sign up, NOW. Ughh, you readers will be the death of me, I swear!

Wasn’t there a Christmas cartoon, movie, episode of “The Chipmunks” with a precocious child (chipmunk) who wished that every morning was Christmas morning? The only thing I remember is that eventually this kid (chipmunk, or maybe Chipette?) learns that if Christmas came every day it would no longer be special. He (or she…remember it could be a Chipette.) willingly goes back to Christmas but once a year.

Guess what? That Chipmunk blew it. Boy, I am telling YOU right now! if I could get my hands on Dave, (or some other magical adult parental figure) right now, I would demand that he set the early spring weekend I just had on repeat until I had my fill. I am willing to let full-on spring days with crocuses, Mr. Softee trucks, and 70 degree weather pass by in their natural order. But these teaser 55 degree days -when you choose the winter coat for the commute and feel like you might pass out from heat exhaustion by the time you get to the office, a reminder that you did in fact survive the New York City February -I could do that s–t forever!

Co-worker friends forward you links of cute Anthropolgie dresses you know you can’t afford for the summer weddings you’ll be attending. “Why does everything at that store cost $397?! Besides if I don’t stop eating these Girl Scout Cookies, I’m going to have to wear a bathrobe!” Everyone agrees as they eat Samoas, Thin Mints, and Trefoils from their own individual orders. Then someone suggests after work drinks and the great Spring Cocktail Location Negotiation begins.

“It can’t be too crowded.”
“Do they have margaritas?”
“There’s no way I’m walking more than 10 blocks.”
“Is food available?”
“Are you even hungry?”
“Samoas are delicious but they aren’t dinner!”

Saturday arrives and every window in your apartment is opened ready to meet it. Unfortunately, the spring light brings every microbe of dust and God knows what else into terrifying focus. Time to run out for a fresh supply of cleaning products wearing an outfit that you thought might be funny to take a picture of for this blog, but really it was too embarrassing. This, of course, is the same outfit you have a fun, flirty, Spring Fever conversation in with a cute Serbian man who just moved to the United States to learn English and to be a lifeguard…a LIFEGUARD!

You make it home and Spring clean the hell out of your house while watching a marathon of “Real Housewives of New York City”. Morally bankrupt reality series are only permitted when you are working like a scullery maid. In between dusting the top of the entertainment center and getting to the tiles behind the toilet, your sister calls for a summary of Watchmen. “Yeah, go see it. It’s like anti-superhero superhero or something. Plus I heard you see Billy Crudup’s schwang-a-dang.” Of course, you live to regret your movie suggestion the next day when your sister yells at you for the three hours she says she’ll never get back. “…and his schwang didn’t even count, Sarah! It was BLUE!”

You know your perfect, early spring weekend is coming to an end when you’re on your couch counting down to “Big Love”. But you’re not letting it go so easy. You have to track that order of Turbo Jams DVDs that you ordered from the infomercial and will surely kick those Girl Scout calories to the curb. Then there’s the research on how to select a cast iron pan. After all, that spring dessert recipe for your date with the Serb lifeguard requires it. Luckily, your friend who is all about cast iron calls to rave about her homemade brownies. You’ve been working through some easy baking tips with her, and she called to rave about her first batch of homemade brownies. She’s getting ready for “Big Love” too and needed the proper nourishment.

Let’s say some genie, Dumbledore, or Dave came to me before I fell asleep and asked if I REALLY wanted to live my weekend over and over. “Wouldn’t it be more special, Sarah, if it came but once a year?” I would put my hands on my hips and look that magical adult right in the eye and say, “Ummm, duh you idiot! Of course I do! But can I pick another outfit for my meeting with the Serb?”

Of course, you can’t because that breaks all fake laws of time travel and other such nonsense. You go to sleep and reluctantly let it go. But youstart the week slightly spring-ier than before. February is far behind, and there is nothing but April showers and May flowers ahead.