Wait… I didn’t tell you about Donut Dude!
So I’m waiting for the train on my way to work, listening to Jay-Z because I have a problem, when this guy sidles up next to me with a half-dozen Dunkin Donuts. He was probably about my age, relatively good looking and trim. A typical Queens guy who looked like he worked in IT for an interesting company, or maybe he was a freelance graphic designer. You know what I’m talkin’ about, you DEFINITELY know what I’m talkin’ about…just some dude.
Where ever this dude works, I’m sure his whole office is about to make out with him because he’s bringing in donuts. Bringing donuts to the office or home for Thanksgiving morning automatically qualifies you for the Medal of Honor. So just as I’m thinking, “good on this guy, he’s going to change some lives!”, he eats one of the donuts. Hmmm. Well, whatever..that’s fine. Why shouldn’t he partake? And then he eats another. And another…THIS DUDE ATE ALL SIX DONUTS! IN 4 SUBWAY STOPS!! And he didn’t go into a diabetic coma or anything! He just got off the train to fix computers or design a logo, whatever the hell he does.
This was not just some dude. He was the Kobayashi of competitive Donut Eating!
Now I can chow, but seriously…SERIOUSLY… how many donuts could you eat in one sitting? Like, let’s say you took yesterday off for a routine Doctor’s appointment. You live in New York City and your name is, ummm, Marah Rackson. You can’t stop thinking about the Donut Dude, which really means you’re just thinking about donuts. You have some time to kill and you’ve been in an NYC mood as of late. Why not head down to the Lower East Side to check out Doughnut Plant? You’ve heard their donuts are berserker…
The donuts, or “doughnuts”, are insanely fresh and the cashier is this totally hilarious Indian guy. He’s got a pitch for every single doughnut, “Top of the line, Miss. Top of the line! Are you a model? You must be a model!” Well, if he thinks your a model, there is no harm in two doughnuts right?
So if you’re Marah Rackson, you would just get the Roasted Chestnut cake doughnut and Creme Brulee yeast doughnut? Well, yes…as an appetizer.
But you would take that Vahlrona Chocolate doughnut to go for the main course. Three sugary, crackly, and rich-y rich donuts.
Donut Dude, you’re on notice.
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6 Comments
you are KILLING ME!!! I used to live within walking distance of Doughnut Plant. I know exactly which large, jolly indian guy you are speaking of and holy donut do I want their fresh apple yeast doughnut or their tres leches cake doughnut right now.
Anybody with a functioning pancreas should not let another day pass without experiencing the DP, but your pictures have already said that.
Psh. Amateurs.
I love donut day at work. Sometimes I will send out a staff member to bring some back for my own sugary pleasures. But could I eat 6 in one sitting? No, this person is a super human and I bow to their greatness. And roasted chestnut donut? Yea, the thought of that is turning me into Home Simpson, “Dooooonnnuutttt [drool falls, licks lips]).”
Amanda, errr… It was either the chestnut or tres leches for me. But that guy’s pitch for the roasted chestnut was too good! That carrot cake looks like no joke. I’m just going to have to go back.
Carly, I defy you to to eat 4 donuts and not go into a coma!
Rachel J, re: donut dude, totally agree. I know I should have been horrified, but I just felt a sense of awe and pride in the human race.
-Sarah
I definitely have a Jay-Z problem too. In fact, I’m pretty angry with him for that whole Empire State of Mind thing because I just cannot get it out of my head.
And now I’m a little mad at you too, because it’s 9:42pm and I’m in AZ and no where near this doughnut place but totally want, like, 12 doughnuts.
That’s right. TWELVE. Suck on that, Donut Dude
Nicole,
See, this is what terrifies me about living anywhere besides NYC! Because you and I both know that it stinks here sometimes, it costs a fortune, and the subways only work like 20% of the time. But you can always a least a pretty decent donut at 9:42pm, 12:35am, or any other time of day you want. The food is just too good!
-Sarah