sarahcentric

My comfort levels were at a dangerously high level this past Saturday due to the insane rain we got here in NYC. I am really not entirely comfortable telling you how long I had my pajamas on for, but please know it was beyond my control as I am a licensed practitioner of Maximum Comfort. My qualifications include certificate in Comfy Baking, (specialty homemade brownies and poundcake) degree in Comfy Fashion Design, (work mostly in yoga pants and found/”borrowed” t-shirts including my favorite Les Miz t-shirt with the neck cut out like Pat Benatar) and my own bed Feng Shui called “Sleep Lasagne”, (a complex system that takes “tucking someone into bed” to a sophisticated art form…more on this in a later blog.)

As I was flipping through the channels, I decided to stop on the PBS pledge drive so as to feel good about my laziness and bad about having never given PBS a dime…all at the same time. Their big ratings-getter this go-round was a show called “The Brain Fitness Program”, a science special about the effects of aging on the brain and the exercises we can use in our everyday lives to counteract them. Since I am a total square, I obviously settled in and said stuff like “oh” and “wow” to myself for about an hour.There was one section that I did not completely understand since I was a philosophy and theater major in college, but has really stuck with me for the past couple of days. One of the braniac experts described the act of studying, concentration and remembering important items in our lives as “Fame in the Brain”. Basically, VERY basically, when we’re in college and we needed to study for a super important final exam in Marxist Thought, let’s say, that subject or that area in our brain becomes “famous”. This means that all of our Braniac parts move to that subject and do a Neutron Dance all around it to get our brain in line with Karl Marx and help us pass our test so we can drink quarter drafts at the bar to celebrate passing our exam.

This is not the EXACT scientific explanation, of course. But my surface understanding of this PBS special got me to thinkin’… who and what is famous in MY brain? Of course the answer varies at any given point in my life. The Hollywood of my brain is just as dramatic as anything you’d see on Entertainment Tonight. And I suspect this is true of all of us, (oh god, please I hope).

Sometimes it’s all about the makeover stories, “That is it! I am losing 173 pounds or I will never EVER be happy” So it’s the running and the yoga and whole grains and no brownies. And that’s not just what I do, but what I talk about and write about and of course think about.

And then that story gets old and it’s all about “Spring is in the air and Sarah is out on the town!” That means new clothes and going out and making out. It means boyfriends and break-ups and new boyfriends and new clothes and more making out.

And then that story gets old and it’s all about “Sarah disappears to take stock of her life”. That means long conversations with old friends and shrinks about divorce and family and jobs and journaling.

And then that story gets old.

They all get old.

You keep running from one exciting and “famous” idea about yourself to the next; looking for something real and permanent to hold the hell on to. Because if this idea is so famous it must be real, right? It must be YOU. If you’re not careful, you turn into your own paparrazi…just after the next big story. No matter who it hurts. I think I have finally turned into one of those people who is a little sick of the media coverage. I just want to let myself BE and let things figure themselves out on their own. Kinda like when you see that Brittny coverage and you just say something like “god, if they don’t leave this girl alone she is going to be committed!”

So I think that’s what my new found interest in meditation is really all about. It’s not that life won’t happen and that it won’t be completely exhilarating or painful at times. I am still going to be scrapping out there with the rest of you; working out, making out, and talking it out. And for all of the amazing ups and devastating downs, I wouldn’t change a bit.

But when I sit with myself and just get quiet for 20-30 minutes a day, I can just observe the story without having to live 110% within it. Believing that this completely scintillating story is IT. Meditating is sort of like being online at the supermarket. You can check out all of the crazy stories in the tabloids. Some are hilarious and others are devastating. You can even pick some up and read a couple of paragraphs or look at the hideous bathing suit photos. But then you can just leave it. You put it right back on the shelf and smile to yourself. You just take a deep breath in and pay for your stuff. You take a deep breath out and take your brownie ingredients home.

Breathe in, put on your pajamas.

Breathe out, Maximum Comfort.