sarahcentric

Sleeping is so awesome. Like, for real for real. After three full nights of it, I can’t get enough of the stuff!

Ok, it’s like this: instead of laying in your bed, staring at the ceiling, refreshing the Huffington Post, and taking a Facebook quiz to find out which Goonie you would be (which most definitely should have been Mouth and not Chunk, p.s.), you simply close your eyes. You close your eyes when it’s dark. And when you open them again, it’s light!
And your comforter is so comfy!
And your head doesn’t hurt!
And you have dreams that you’re lead singer of a band called “Sugar and The Happ’nings!” By far, one of my top 10 dreams.
Oh my God, you guys… it’s so much fun. I can’t believe how I took it for granted before I left for Australia.

The bottom line is if you want to go to Australia, you have to really REALLY want to go to Australia because the flight is 21 hours. Wait, let me spell that out so there is no confusion… twenty-one oooowwww-errs! Make no mistake. It’s insane. It’s like being in one of those acid trip stories adults told you about as a kid to scare you silly. “Sarah, he thought he was an orange! And you know what he did? He started to peel HIS OWN SKIN!” (Umm, ok…really? Did this trip-ster ever meet an orange that peeled itself? If so, I would really like to meet it because that would be super-convenient. I hate that gross white pith under my fingernails.) If you really really REALLY want to go to Australia, let me be your guide for this very bad trip…literally and psychologically.

1) There is not an outfit in the entire world that is comfortable enough, so get over that right now. Everyone knows that I am the world’s foremost expert on comfort, and I was sure that I nailed it. What they don’t tell you is being at high altitudes for long periods of time changes the molecular structure of the clothing. It stretches. It itches. It smells pretty weird. Sorry, it’s a fact.

2) Get ready to stare straight ahead. You could look out the window, but it’s nighttime and that’s pretty boring. And if you try to look out the window from the aisle, you look like an even bigger douche, because for real, there’s nothing there. If you look over your other shoulder, you are instantly a maniac because there’s a person sitting three inches from your face. So that just leaves you and the tiniest TV in the world that Qantas packs with a 1000 movies and TV shows to keep the animals calm. I recommend starting with the very worst movie. (”Oh my god..how HOW did this get made?!”) Move to the one you’ve been meaning to watch for a long time. (”Poor Harvey Milk. Stupid Prop 8.) Then top it off with that documentary everyone made you feel stupid for not seeing. (”Ughhh, f–ing f–ck those Enron guys! Ohhhhh, I worked with the editor of this movie. Ooo, they’re serving hot chocolate!”)

3) Finally, do not, I repeat, do NOT forget your toothbrush and toothpaste. You cannot imagine the panic, loneliness, and abject terror I experienced when I realized that my toothpaste was in my checked luggage. There is not enough gum in the world to burn off the vegetarian meals that an airline serves. And whatever hope I had of convincing my neighbor that I wasn’t a psycho killer so I could turn my head the other way and have a nice conversation went out the window. It was just me, a hundred pieces of Orbit, and a thousand episodes of “How I Met Your Mother” for 21 hours…twenty-one owwwww-ers!

It’s hard to believe it’s worth it when Qantas kicks you off the plane in your glasses and now oversized yoga pants. But just wait. Wait for a few minutes in the cab on the way to your first hotel in Kirribilli, a quiet suburb of Sydney where the Australian Prime Minister lives. Suffer through your cabbie making jokes about your outfit.
“Woahhhh, you’re meeting the Prime Minister looking like that?!”.
“HAHAHA that’s so funny!”
Just wait until you see The Opera House for the first time. It’s so beautiful and so real, that those 21 hours disappear and your outfit isn’t really that bad. And you’ll beg the driver to pull over really quick, like you’re one of those 10 bad movies you just watched, to get a picture of you and this building you really really really REALLY wanted to see.

“Ok. But let’s hurry up. We don’t want to keep the Prime Minister waiting!”
“Alright, man. Let’s go.”

Doesn’t he know I’m the lead singer of Sugar and the Happ’nings?! I mean, I know I’m wearing my glasses, but doesn’t he see how badass the hand on my hip is?!

I was born to rock that Opera House.

We’re going to be living in Australia for a little bit on Sarahcentric, so get excited. But if you want to skip ahead in the story, feel free to check out my Flickr with tons and tons of pictures. Yes, there are kangaroos.