sarahcentric

The following conversation took place last night with my good friend Andrew, (pictured below in Stars t-shirt), while a loaf of bread baked in the oven. Please note, shitty February and I are currently locked in a battle for my mortal soul.

Sarah: I give up, everything stinks.
Andrew: ok.
Sarah: I mean it this time! I’m out, Game Over!
Andrew: cool.
Sarah: Andrew, the show is canceled!!
Andrew: Sarah shut up, I like the show. You just need new writers.
Sarah: But I’m the shitty producer! The show doesn’t have a chance with shitty producers!
Andrew: Alright, no more TV references. coughing
Sarah: What’s wrong with you?
Andrew: I’m eating Combos.
Sarah: Combos? How old are you?!
Andrew: They’re delicious!
Sarah: Well, don’t eat them so fast. Ok, seriously SERIOUSLY..would it be sooooo bad if I didn’t exist? Honestly!
Andrew: Sarah, I don’t even know how to respond to that. If you don’t exist, I don’t exist. It’s a paradox. Besides, what are you going to do?
Sarah: I don’t know. I’m just going to pack one perfect old fashioned suitcase all slowly. Then I’m going to put on a fedora, light a cigarette, and just…walk off!
Andrew: Walk off?
Sarah: Yeah.
Andrew: Well, that sounds very sexy, but I don’t think it’s going to work.
Sarah: oh, my bread! Hold please.

Sarah: Andrew, this bread is so good I cannot stand it.
Andrew: Well, good.
Sarah: No, this is weird. Seriously. If bread is this cheap and easy to make, no one should ever buy it. I’m pissed now. What the hell, why didn’t everyone make bread like this all of the time?!
Andrew: Oh God, here we go…
Sarah: It’s ridiculous!
Andrew: Sarah, please don’t get obsessed with this. This is just like your VCR problem.
Sarah: Well, that’s ridiculous too! If they made them small and sleek at the end, why did they ever have to be huge like that at the beginning?!
Andrew: I know, Sarah! So wait, this is the master recipe. And you can make other kinds of bread too?
Sarah: Yep! And pizza!
Andrew: Bagels?
Sarah: yes.
Andrew: Pretzels?
Sarah: uh-huh.
Andrew: Cinnamon bread.
Sarah: Yes.
Andrew: Rolls?
Sarah: Yes, Yes, Yes! Enough! Look, it’s not like I do the EXACT same thing, stick it in the oven, pray for cinnamon buns, and they magically come out of the oven, Andrew!!

Five minutes of hysterical laughter, imagining quick cuts of me opening the oven to find a new treat inside every time.

Andrew: Ok, seriously. We have to stop.
Sarah: That’s fine. I should watch Charlie Rose anyway.
Andrew: You’re very boring.
Sarah: I know.
Andrew: Alright, good night. The show isn’t canceled?
Sarah: Ummm, no. Maybe on hiatus.
Andrew: But not canceled?
Sarah: No. One more season.