Sleep Champ

March 12, 2010 – 7:08 am

My bed is like quicksand lately.
Comfy Quicksand.

I don’t know what the hell is going on, but this life long insomniac has been sleeping like a champ lately. 9 hours one night, 10 hours the next…a record breaking 12 hours straight after my little visit to Margaritaville on Oscar night! It’s like I’ve died and gone to heaven, except I get to wake up and drink Graham Cracker coffee and eat english muffins.

The sleeps are so powerful it takes me at least two minutes to remember my middle name, and an additional two to recall the crazy dream I had the night before. One night there was a road trip to my old college and I got to see all of my old friends, (except we’re not old, ok! College was like two weeks ago!) Another night, I was expected to dance like a Fly Girl at some show even though I didn’t know the choreography. And last night, every single one of my work friends made me a cake. A chocolate cake. Hundreds of cakes piled high in my cubicle and I wasn’t expected to share.

Heaven without the dying.

So if you guys are cool with it, I’m going to go ahead and stay in my bed…forever. Don’t worry, I’ll be fine. My glasses are on the window sill right next to me as are two books for my entertainment. Thank God I have a coffee press so that will fit on the sill, too. If you could stop by and check in on me, I’d appreciate it. Just pop a mini-pie in the oven for me on your way in, and bring the comfiest DVDs you can find..like “The Adventures of Pete and Pete”! Yes, please. Nothing brings me more joy than the best television open of all time.

You can climb in and hang out for a while.
As long as you bring a chocolate cake.

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Oscar-itas

March 8, 2010 – 8:56 am

All that remains from last night’s batch of margaritas is a salty, limey countertop and a dirty skillet from the enchiladas I made to accompany them. I should have cleaned it before I left for work. But ya’ know… I had margaritas last night.

If you make these margaritas, I wouldn’t recommend driving…or betting in Oscar pools. Thanks to Eywa not showing up for Avatar last night, I owe some MoFo lunch this week. Luckily, I had enough sense to offer Noodle Bar… which he kept calling “Noodle Town”, p.s. Again…margaritas.

This is an Ina Garten recipe and it is LEGIT. Filled with booze, and devoid of the sugar that ruins most mixes. Easy to make, easy to drink, easy to lose Oscar bets. You’ve been warned.

New York City’s high temperature is 60 degrees today. If you’re enjoying some early spring, take your clothes off and make these margaritas. But later you guys…it’s only noon!

Ina Garten’s Real Margaritas
from Food Network

1 lime, halved
Kosher salt
1/2 cup freshly squeezed lime juice (5 limes)
2 tablespoons freshly squeezed lemon juice (1 lemon)
1 cup Triple Sec
3 cups ice
1 cup white tequila

If you like margaritas served in a glass with salt, rub the outside rims of six glasses with a cut lime and dip each glass lightly into a plate of kosher salt.

Combine the lime juice, lemon juice, Triple Sec, and ice in a blender and puree until completely blended. Add the tequila and puree for 2 seconds more. Serve over ice.

If you prefer frozen margaritas, halve each of the ingredients, double the ice, and blend in two batches. Serve with a cut lime.

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Canon-ball

March 5, 2010 – 8:47 am

As is required by international galactic amateur photography law, here is a self-portrait taken with my new camera. I took this last night to try out my new (cheap) fast lens. The aperture is wide, which blurs the background nicely and hides the messy bedroom behind me.

It’s a little bit the terrifying climax of a sci-fi movie, right? Like I’m some creepy Camera-droid? The Hero suddenly wheels around on his bi-racial girlfriend, (whom he’s been frenching very publicly at all the dive-y space cantinas on their intergalactic road trip), and rips off her face to reveal she is one of them! A Camera Robot!

“No baby! Not you, too! I thought we were going to stop all of these generic self-portraits!”
But hello! Of course I’ve developed feelings for this puny human. So I’m all…
“BeeBooBopBeeBooBop…I…LOVE…YOU…HUMAN.”

Right?! This picture looks just like that, right?! Wait…no?

Sorry. I’ll take some better pictures this weekend.

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A loner, a Rebel

March 2, 2010 – 7:12 am

This photo is one of my first with my new Canon Rebel T1i . I love it so much I want to marry it. Don’t worry, I’m taking a class tonight on DSLR basics. I’ll be sure to ask if there could possibly be anything else to take a picture of besides my brother and his sick Chia pet and snowy fire escapes.

In other news, my best friend Andrew made the terrible mistake of telling me he went to a restaurant called Portobello the other day- the first mistake being that he forgot the mere mention of the word “Portobello” would launch me into my Portobello Mushroom Hate Speech.

“Ughhh, I hate portobellos. HATE them!”
“I know, Sarah. I know.”
“They are too weird and big! And I don’t care what anybody says… I know they are secretly meat. I just know it!”

Andrew should have let me continue my speech like the grumpy old man I secretly am. He knows that once I’ve wound myself up to the place of “and don’t even get me STARTED on sun-dried tomatoes. They are definitely gigantic, gross raisins!”, my frustration burns itself off fairly quickly and we can get back to our usual business. But no. Andrew stepped in too early and made one of the biggest mistakes of his life.

“Calm down! I don’t even think they serve portobellos.”
stunned silence
“Andrew. What the f–k are you talking about?”
“Oh God.”
“You are telling me that you’re going to a restaurant called Portobello and they DO NOT SERVE PORTOBELLO MUSHROOMS?!”
“I shouldn’t have said anything-”
“You don’t think that’s weird?! You don’t think that’s TOTALLY weird?!”
“Well, they don’t have to Sarah! Plus, you hate them. This should make you happy!”
“That is not the point now! This is so much bigger than that!
“Relax!”
“No. Listen to me. Let’s say that you and I go to a restaurant called Chocolate. And then I’m all ‘can I have some chocolate?’ and they’re all ‘No. We don’t have any.’
“…Fine.”
“You better believe it’s fine! Don’t ever tell me something like that and not expect a reaction!”
“I’m sorry.”
“I forgive you.”
“You’re so annoying.”
“I know. I’m sorry.”
“I forgive you.”

Best friends til the bitter portobello end.

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The Great Escape

February 26, 2010 – 5:14 am

Don’t worry…
It’s snowing again.
I can’t take it.

Please believe me when I tell you that there is NO ONE more sick of my snowy fire escape photos than me…or “I”. I don’t know, man. I got up way too early..and I am cranky..and I hate February…and I really don’t want to go to work today.

Please disregard any of my “snowstorms are charming” posts. By this point of the year, they just make you feel like the main character of a Stephen King novel on the verge of a nervous breakdown so huge it causes murderous, paranormal actions.

Unless you bake something. Then you usually feel better.

As much as I hate this fire escape scene, it is my first view of the world every morning as I impatiently wait to press my coffee. Here is my incoherent, rambling weather report at 5:45 this morning.

Don’t worry.
I put an extra tablespoon of coffee in the press.

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